THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this here is Ali Morgan. She was a KKG in school, and she used to be hot. That was several pounds ago. Seriously…her arms are bigger than her dog now. Me and the guys might have just liked her cause word got around that she looked like this porn star named Ember (before Ali gained sh*t tons of weight). Out of curiosity I went and looked it up and she really did look like this porn star (Ali used to be way thinner). Although she hasn’t been relevant to me for some time, her name came up when I was discussing going to an alumni event. I was shocked to see how much poundage she’s packed on. Like any other girl at Purdue (where the girl ratio is 3:7 against us so the girls all act like they’re hot shit and in demand) above a 5.3948502, she is a stuck up cnt and would only talk to guys “in the right house”. She once pressed my case for awhile (I was a Pike), but then I told her I was seeing one of her “sisters” and it was starting to turn into something. Then she acts all surprised cause they’re “such good friends” and she didn’t know. I felt kind of awkward for a second since I was told my girl never mentioned me to her supposed good friend, but then it turned out they only know each other from their house and never on their own free time (like fake ass sorority bitches). I tried to refer Ali to my friend, and she said she doesn’t talk to DTDs. This is despite the fact that dude had a damn near 4.0 GPA, had already been accepted to a prestigious med school as a back-up (his back-up is one that most people dream of even qualifying to apply to), and was considered a good looking guy by most girls on campus. It’s that kind of mentality that made me stop liking sorority girls altogether, and why I pretty much dropped out of the Greek life altogether. She never once spoke to him and when she was around us hanging out, she’d only talk to me and walk in front of him and some of the other guys like they weren’t there. She even made one of my friends drop their drink and didn’t even acknowledge it at all. Anyhow, if she lost the weight and you could ignore the fact that she walks around with her nose pointed up like a stuck up b*tch, and has arms bigger than her dog, would you?

Answer: No, not even if she lost 30..also, ramble much? I thought Purdue was a good school.