THE DIRTY ARMY: Hey Nik, I remember reading a post you wrote a while back where you said Elvira could have made it big, but she didnt listen to you. I dont know her but I can somewhat see what you mean, she wasted her potential like many girls do and didn’t strike while the iron was hot. I’m moving to LA in August and want to know what do you think ruins girls careers or stunts them, and what advice do you have for girls if they actually want to have a good modeling/acting career, and I dont mean a matress or porta potty. Besides looking the part, being young, thin, etc.. what are the steps a girl should do to make it big and not do to ruin her career.

The only thing that ruins a girl is AGE. If you are not hitting auditions hard at 19 then you will be banging losers in Hollywood from 22-29 years of age until you move home pregnant and starting life from scratch. Elvira never left home because she loves everyone kissing her ass. She cannot take rejection and to make it in LA you need to eat rejection like candy.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, I need a rating of Elvira on the Nik Richie Scale. Not sure what color hair you call that, but the overall package is reflecting back to her Smoke Patrol days. DA Strong 100.

Is that really Elvira? I always said she needed to be blonde. If I had to be accurate, I would say she is a solid 7.59927191 in this image.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, you are the expert on this so I will ask the master. My girlfriends and I were having a girls wine night and we decided to troll Elvira because that’s what we girls do stalk beautiful women haha. Anyway, we noticed her 3rd nose job wasn’t all that. Check out the tip of her nose Nik. We thought we would asked you if Elvira should go round 4 on that honker?

I can’t get past the rusty armpits (pick a better filter next time). The only thing that Elvira needs fixing is her +2′s, stop messing with your face.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, have you seen Elvira lately. All her facial procedures have settled perfectly. She looks like the ultimate wife. Taking out her cheek implants was the best decision she has ever made. Thoughts?

Until she fixes her chest, I don’t want to apologize to her. I decided.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Dear dirty army, I want to inform you that @kellykarloff instagram is a fake. This is not Elvira.

Thanks for the heads up.- nik