THE DIRTY ARMY: O. . . MG Nik! I can’t believe this bitch hasn’t made it on The Dirty before now! I will gladly do the honors! This is Alexis Riley. Or as she fancies herself, Lexi, a pathetic attempt to make herself cuter by drawing attention away from her . . . everything. This bitch has been EVERYWHERE! We’re talking, she makes the term “town bicycle” look like a prude. In a town where anyone can be a stripper, no matter how nasty you are or how unskilled you are on the pole, Lexi has worked a few of the most low down places in town which, as far as she’s concerned, gives her celebrity status. How she got a job with her bubble hips smashed into too tight clothes I dont know. You don’t have to get close to realize she has acne that stretches over her entire body that she tries, to no avail, to cover up with pounds of make up. Amongst her ridiculous wardrobe which includes everything from Hot Topic and even animal tails, she often wears a half corset thing which does nothing but squeeze her back fat out the top and bottom. And how she became a stripper for a short period of time with her inside out smelly vagina lips, I can’t even fathom. And then there’s her aborigine tits she likes to put on display for everyone, like some floppy flat dinner plate made of under filled water balloons in tube socks, with her nasty ass titty stretch marks crawling up from her nips like not even they can stand being on something so nasty. Don’t even get me started. Either way, the Portland clubs were kind enough to stop forcing us to look at such an atrocity and not even they will hire this nasty throw away back. If her looks weren’t enough to make you go running, try to carry on a conversation with her. She is probably the dumbest person I’ve ever spoken with. I think she may have some mental impairment. This girl is actually proud to be a Juggalo. . . like proud! She’s that fcking stupid. She’s loud and embarrassing in public and I was happy the day I finally ditched her. She’s seeks attention in any way possible and if every face in the bar isnt turned towards her, she gets louder and more obnoxious till they are. No one’s impressed with her but her own self. Did I mention she actually expects you to pay for her drinks? This bitch is no Portland skank. She should be so lucky. She prowls only the most desperate of the white trash coke dealers in the charming outskirts of Gresham and Troutdale. She goes from one man to the next and even some women until she’s used them up and taken them for all their worth, periodically trying to real one in to take care of her forever and will not leave you alone even though she’ll fck anything that moves. Did I mention she has a kid. I’ve never seen it, but she likes to brag about what a great mother she is, though she’s never had custody and no one has seen this so called daughter. Good job mom. I’m sure you’ll be recieving your mother of the year award soon. I’m sure you make your daughter so proud. The sooner she realizes that she is good for nothing but her floppy stink hole, and not, like she thinks, for keeper material, the better. No one would punish themselves enough to actually keep this one around. Who in their right mind would want to bring this hot mess home to mom? Who would brag about dating a proud standing Juggalo? An X stripper not even good enough for Pirates Cove? How about a known whore? No one. That’s who. As her one, maybe 2 X husbands can tell you.
Ran outta mud eh.- nik