THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, I dated Shimderella a while back and this girl had me fooled.  I go on your site regularly so when I met her I was kinda of excited. She was really down to earth and was nice.  I asked her about the accusations of being an escort and she completely denied it… I believed her like an idiot.  We dated for a bit and I really wanted to marry her because I wanted to support her financially and I thought we’d make a great family… but she was really shady, had 2 phones and went missing days at a time… and I couldn’t recall how many times we would be at dinner or somewhere and she would have to leave immediately and then hour or 2 later call and ask me to meet back up again.  So I ended it.  Yesterday as I was looking to book a girl (don’t judge, to take a girl out in Hollywood usually cost 300-400 for drinks and dinner and you are not guaranteed anything… so now I just go on escort sites and pay 300 bucks and get laid for an hour and treat this b*tches like they should be) and guess who I came across… Yes, Shimderella.  So guys, if you want to sleep with her, just to go Eros and you can book her now. Click here to see her Ad and some hearts.

I hope someone stole her pictures… Shimderella wouldn’t be this direct, would she?- nik

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THE DIRTY ARMY:  Nik, Shimderella recently facebooked about how Geoff Stults (actor Ben and Kate, The Finder) has followed her on instagram/twitter and said..“***OMG*** Remember how my celeb crush (Geoff Stults) followed me on Instagram last week? Well now he follows me on twitter too and he just direct messaged me asking me out this weekend. How do I respond? INPUT PLEASE!!” I guess this is an upgrade from a sugar daddy/trout… should he be warned about Shimderellas DC status/Escort services… not a good look for a handsome actor.

Isn’t it true that guys who spell their name Geoff instead of Jeff are chronic masturbaters?- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, I’m sure this tweet that Shimderella posted was aimed towards you and The Dirty Army.  Now, sweetheart we are not assuming anything.  It is a FACT, girls who take private jets that are paid for by men the age of 50 and older, are sleeping with these men.  It is a sad story, but at the end of the day, look how cool you are taking a picture on a private jet!!  Just remember that when you are hating your life and have huge saggy balls all over your face.

Yeah, but the saggy balls only smell for like 5 minutes… then you rotate and breathe again.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, so Alysson aka Shimderella just turned 27 and you have to admit… the girl is looking good.  I usually feel that a girl is past her prime once she hits 25, but not her.  I do find her getting sexier and sexier.  Wanted to see if you agree with me on this and if so… when do you believe she will be past her prime?

I can’t believe Shimderella is almost 30 years old. She only has 3 more years of life left.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, I need to send a warning to Shimderella. You made this girl insanely hot when you bought her +2′s but it’s about to be a huge curse. Shimderella is hanging out out with Australian model Emily Sears who is under investigation for being a prostitute in America. My buddy is an undercover cop who plays underground poker games in Hollywood. I saw a long scope picture he took picture of Shimderella and Emily together and I asked him what’s up and he said a huge bust is about to go down. Shimderella you need run. Nik you need to warn her.

I got invited to an underground poker game in LA once (circa 2008). I didn’t play, just hung out and drank. To be honest I couldn’t afford the buy in. There were a whole bunch of hot chicks invited by a “modeling agency”. I don’t know how much it was to f*ck, but I do know blow jobs were $500.- nik

**As for the +2′s you see above… I’m doing Toys for Tattas in Scottsdale, AZ mid December. So if you need +2′s start gathering up toys for the contest. All toys will be donated to underprivileged children.**