THE DIRTY ARMY: Hi! My name is Kacie Ellen Geiberson Umpirowicz Boeshore. As you can tell, I’m a confused mutt. I think I deserve to be crowned Miss Trashy Pittsburgh for many reasons. Let me give you a couple of them and you can decide for yourself. First off, my family pedigree. As you can see, my father has a mugshot. He was just recently arrested for child pornography in Butler County. He will be going to trial very soon now and is currently sitting in C-Block in Butler Jail. I will constantly deny that, though just so I look spotless but I still have no problems admitting that I let my dad have unsupervised visits with my 2 young children for years. I’m not even concerned (but the PA District Attorney’s office is) that he might’ve taken pictures of them and sold them to other perverts over the internet because he used to pay all my bills with that money that he’d get from passing kiddie porn over to other pedophiles. That includes my lawyer fees that I willingly took from him to make sure that I could do everything in my power to keep my children’s father away from them, even though he fought me tooth and nail for just HALF custody. Tee hee…I prefer the child support money anyway. Shout out to Butler County President Judge Thomas Doerr! My dawg! It’s easier to lie in court to get your way, just like I lied in high school about being raped, right Attorney Heather Papp-Sicignano? Oh! And ask me about the time that I sucked Backstreet Boys’ Nick Carter’s dick when I was 19 for ecstacy. Yeah, I TOTALLY did that. Secondly, I recently got my 2nd marriage under my belt (actually my elastic Lane Bryant waistband) to a guy who treats my kids terribly and yells at them all the time. But I’ll put up with it because he makes more than I do and I cant stand staring at an empty refrigerator. He tries to get my kids to call him daddy’ but stays in bed all day and yells at them when they get too loud. He acts like a jabroney but I kinda like him. Besides, he looks almost as cute as his Match.com profile pic. Internet dating/engaging/marrying is fun, isn’t it? I could send the kids to hang out with their real father but I used to be rich (well, mommy and daddums used to be) and I’m too afraid to admit that someone could be a better parent than me, so I won’t. LOL. I drive a Scion xB. The ugly boxy one. Its purple. It has a Dane Cook SuFi sticker on it. (Vicious Circle, WOOOOO!!!) I like to make up stories to the police about my ex-husband just to seem like a victim. I’m a graphic designer (not really but I graduated from the Art Institute and make it sound like it’s Yale. I really sit at a desk at Verizon and eat snacks like a glorified telemarketer). All these qualities make me seem like a perfect candidate for Miss Trashy Pittsburgh. You should vote for me ’cause I’ve lived a hard life of privelege and getting whatever I wanted until Daddy went to jail. Did I mention he’s a child pornographer? I did? That’s because he is. LOL. You know what they say about the apple not falling far from the tree. I believe that with your nomination, I can grow to be THE fat, gold-digging example of how trashy moms in Pittsburgh can be! Look for me in Allison Park where I live…I like to hang out in all the fast food establishments around town when Im not blowing all my child support money at Cabana Bar with my Jersey Shore wanna-be husband, Andrew.
VOTE FOR KACIE BOESHORE! .
He clearly doesn’t care who he gets behind the lens. Example A (pic #1).- nik