THE DIRTY ARMY: Hi Nik, I really need your advise. I really can’t believe I’m writing to you. Been married for 5 years now with 1 kid. My husband can give us what we need and we also get to enjoy life’s little luxuries once in a while. We’re just your ordinary family living in San Diego. However, I feel as though I don’t really love him any more but I feel stuck. It’s easy to say just leave, but when you’re in the situation, it’s really not that easy. I know if I leave him, he will make sure I never see my daughter again. I started feeling restless and was craving for some new meat. I wanted someone to amuse me, a diversion from my mundane life. Honestly, I wanted to feel in love again – which I know will never happen with my husband. However, considering my situation, I know that’s impossible – there is no such thing as being in love. I actually honestly believe that being in love doesn’t exist any more. So I ended up having sexual affairs with men. I first cheated on my husband late last year with a guy I met through this website. I didn’t feel any guilt. From there, I cheated on him with a couple of other men, either just one-time escapades or until either one of us got bored with each other. It’s just all physical and it was fun really. I had great sex, some not so great sex.
Until I met this one guy. He’s divorced, has two kids and has a stable job. I never expected anything other than sex to develop. We were supposed to eat out, have some drinks but I instigated the sex. So we just had sex. Since then he’s been trying to get me to go out on a normal date with him, spend time with him, like the get-to-know-each-other better type of date. I didn’t tell him I’m married nor have a child. All he knows is I live with my boyfriend. He said he is looking for a relationship and he’s ready to date already. He would ask me if I’m going to leave my boyfriend if something serious develops between us, to which I would say NO. He asked if I am having sex with other men while I’m still with him, to which I said, YES. I was pretty frank and at that time, I don’t care about what he thinks. I don’t care if he thinks I’m a slut. He was always there, constantly texting, repeatedly asking me to go out with him, to which I always say my time is very limited, which equals to “I-can-only-have-sex-for-a-few-minutes-and-can’t-really-exert-effort-to-get-to-know-you.” Then he slowly drifted away. He stopped being there. Stopped contacting me. And for some f*cking reason, I am BOTHERED.
Nik, here is the problem. I think I’m in love with him. I wouldn’t write about this story if I do not care. I know pretty much that that’s probably our last f*ck together, which really saddens me. I want to be his friend with benefits but I don’t know if I should pursue it. Let’s just talk about this particular situation and not the fact that I’m married. Is it because I’m bad in bed, he’s just not that into me, that he just gave up ‘coz I’m always unavailable to do the things he like? Is he playing me as well? Is he just a smooth talker? I want to keep my communication with him open Nik. I want him to be there. How? Do you think he has feelings for me too? If I am really in love, how do I stop being in love? Was he just looking for someone to take care of his kids? Be frank with me Nik and knock some sense into me.
A) You are married. B) You have no idea what love is considering you equate it to sex. C) You are a terrible person who gets off on lying and hurting people. D) Look at what you wrote me = Selfish.- nik